Breathe
by ragamuffin009
Summary: It was the last thing anyone expected him to do. And yet, with the way they treated him, how could they be surprised? Kankuro never said he was loyal to anyone. And the new gash across his headband proves that. Rated M for gore
1. Cough

_Breathe._

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale. _

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale. _

_Inhale again. Cough. Exhale again._

He didn't know what it felt like to breathe and not cough anymore. How long had it been since he'd been forced to inhale the explosive clay? How long since it had lodged itself inside the walls of his lungs? How long had he been one of _them_?

It had been too long. Either that or it hadn't been long enough. It _had_ been long enough, as he'd heard, for the village to hold a funeral for him. They had no body, but apparently they'd grown tired of searching for him. So he was declared dead.

It was just like them. If Gaara had gone missing on a mission, there would have been some _effort_ on the part of the searchers. But no, Kankuro wasn't _important_ enough for them. Well, that was just fine.

He liked being one of _them._

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale._

Besides, he was stronger now. A _lot_ stronger. He had changed his face paint, too; now it slightly resembled the clouds on his new cloak, done in red and black instead of purple.

He didn't mind wearing the cloak (although it got very hot sometimes). He didn't mind wearing the underclothes (although they were a bit too feminine for his tastes). He didn't mind wearing the large straw hat (although he preferred his old hood that he hadn't worn in two years more than that itchy thing).

After the first few days of pain, joining _them_ was starting to be a real friendly proposition. And when the news of his so-called "death" reached him, he knew what he was going to do. He wanted the chance to be part of something big; he'd gotten a taste during the failed invasion of Konoha and he wanted _more._

He was appalled at himself at first, considering _they_ had killed Gaara. But then again, had Gaara ever done anything for him? Had anyone ever really liked him? No, not really. Not that he could recall. So, he made his decision.

Kankuro joined the Akatsuki.

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale._

He absentmindedly played with the ring on his left index finger. It used to belong to Hidan. But Hidan had failed. Kankuro now wore the _Santai._ And today he would receive his first partner.

---

Foshin Yasuo grinned and accepted the ring. Apparently, the guy who had this ring before him had a bunch of other people's hearts on him at all times, to ensure he wouldn't die. Yasuo slipping the _Hokuto_ onto his left middle finger proved that this strategy had failed.

Yasuo was a skilled ex-Amegakure Shinobi. He had heard his soon-to-be partner was formerly of Sunagakure. He didn't know much else about him. Then again, the guy knew less about Yasuo, so he wasn't worried. Besides, they were going to be partners. Any information the two wanted to share would be shared, and any information that they didn't, wouldn't be. It was as simple as that.

---

Kankuro stood up as he heard the door open. The man who walked in wasn't what Kankuro expected his partner to look like. He had a mess of wild dark blue hair and bright blue eyes. He wore a rain village headband with, of course, a gash cut down the middle of it. Kankuro absently touched his own headband. A few years ago he'd dumped the kabuki hood in favor of a normal black one.

"Hello!" The blue-haired man bounded up to Kankuro and extended his hand. Kankuro was surprised to see that he looked just about Kankuro's age. Up until this point he had been the youngest member of the Akatsuki.

"How old are you?" he asked bluntly, taking the other man's hand.

"Twenty-four and a _half!_" He said in a sing-song voice. "Don't you normally ask name before age? By the way, what _is _your name? Nice makeup."

"Kankuro. And it _isn't_ makeup," he responded.

"Oh. Hello! They call me Yasuo! I'm formerly from Amegakure, I like killing puppies and long walks on the beach, chocolate and blood and…" Yasuo continued naming off his likes and dislikes.

'_Oh, God,'_ Kankuro thought, _'they stuck me with a total spazz!'_

He had tried to hold back his coughing to make a first impression, but couldn't take it anymore. He should have known better, because whenever he tried not to cough the fit that followed was often way worse than just letting himself do it normally.

"You all right?" Yasuo asked, stopping in the middle of his speech.

"Yeah," Kankuro said, still coughing, "No big deal, do it a lot, get used to it."

"'Kay!" He continued his rant, which had turned to the subject of soap, somehow.

'_Damn guy probably has ADHD,' _Kankuro thought, coughing normally now, '_That DAMN Deidara, why did he have to put those things in me?'_

They were interrupted by Leader, who stepped into the room. Kankuro looked up and nodded at the shadowy figure. Now _there_ was an authority figure he could respect, unlike the ones from Suna. Yasuo bowed. Apparently the baka had some humility somewhere under that blue hair of his.

"Kankuro," Leader said in a commanding voice, "You may reveal yourself to Temari of the Sand now that you are officially one of us." A wide grin spread across Kankuro's face. The kind of grin to send children running home to their mothers crying and screaming. The kind of grin that made dogs growl and that cats hissed at. Seeing that grin made Yasuo want to leave the room and never make contact with those painted eyes again. It was _twisted._

"Perfect," Kankuro's voice came from somewhere in the shadows. Suddenly, the Kankuro in front of them flew backwards and Yasuo caught sight of a thin, blue string radiating what he felt to be extremely potent and condensed Chakra. The real Kankuro stepped out of the corner of the room opposite the door. The Kankuro that Yasuo had shaken hands with cracked, revealing a wooden puppet with large cat ears and a tail made out of a katana blade. "Yasuo, meet Dokuneko. My… Partner."

"So it was a puppet the whole time, eh?" The blue-haired man didn't seem to be fazed by it. "Interesting… That will work well with _my_ abilities."

---

A loud bang woke Temari up. She sat straight up in her bed, looked towards the door, and gasped. Someone was there. In Akatsuki clothes. She leapt out of bed and grabbed her fan, which was leaning against the wall. "Don't come any closer or I'll-"

"You'll what?" The person chuckled. It was a man's voice. They coughed a few times.

"How did you get in here?" She demanded, her hand shaking a little. Again, the man laughed.

"I think I can get into my own house," he said, darkly.

"What do you-?" Suddenly, the figure disappeared in a wisp of smoke. He then reappeared right in front of her, pushing her back onto her bed. He put his hands on either side of her. Her eyes widened. Then, he slowly reached up and took off the large straw hat.

"I have a question," he said, his lip twisting into a sneer.

"K-Kankuro?" She stuttered, shocked.

"_Do I look dead to you?_" He hissed, eyes narrowing. She shook her head. He glared at her. She looked into his eyes. She didn't see her brother anymore. What she saw was hate.

Pure hate. For her. For everything.

"Brother?" She managed to say. His expression didn't change.

"That word has lost all meaning to me." He disappeared once again. His voice rang out, even without him being there. "You'll be one of the first to go." She heard him cough again as the voice faded away.

She slumped back onto her bed.

* * *

So once again I find myself writing angst for Kanky. But anyhoo, I myself am disturbed by the pairings in this story. Also, this story was indeed inspired by one amazing cosplay session. Thanks Chrissy for the inspiration :3!


	2. The Beginning

**Review Spotlight**: It's a very good story! Nice job. One thing though. Why did u put it in the filter that says 'Anko M.'? lol. it has like nothing to do with her in this story. :) okays.  
Very nice job indeed.

-AnimesTribute

**My response**: You'll find out right… _Now!

* * *

_

The news reached Konoha fast.

The night Kankuro had appeared before Temari, Shizune burst into the Hokage's office, panting. "Shizune! What is it?" Tsunade asked.

"Hokage-sama! There's a new member of the Akatsuki…!"

"So they _are_ replacing lost members…" Tsunade slumped back in her chair. She had hoped that they wouldn't try to take on any new members once one was killed, but that wasn't the case.

"That isn't the only thing! The person they've recruited… i-it's…" Shizune stuttered.

"Who is it? Spit it out!" Which S-ranked criminal had they gotten to join them? They'd have to be powerful. Tsunade mentally went over a list of suspects.

"It's Kankuro of the Sand!" Tsunade gasped and dropped the sake bottle she was about to pour.

"What?! But I thought he was dead!"

"He _was _declared dead… but apparently they made a mistake… And now he's a missing-nin. But not only that, we have to rank him S," Shizune said, looking downcast.

"But why would he do such a thing?" The Hokage picked up the sake and began pouring it, "He never seemed to be the type to just go off and…"

"Well," Anko interrupted her from the doorway, "I think that being declared dead might have gotten him a little _pissed off, _don't you think?"

"Anko," Tsunade said, the sake making a soft tok-tok-tok sound as it hit the saucer, "Do you know anything about this?"

"No," she said, "but I intend to find out."

"Fine," Tsunade said, lifting the sake to her mouth, "I'll assign you a team to lead, if you don't mind."

"If you must," Anko sighed.

---

Yasuo turned out to be an even bigger pain in the ass than Kankuro had anticipated. If he wasn't talking (Kankuro couldn't get a word in edgewise where the blue-haired freak was concerned), he was doing something else equally annoying, like making squeaky noises with his umbrella-shuriken (_oil_ the damn thing, baka), trying to take apart Dokuneko (Kankuro had told him explicitly: _don't touch the puppet)_, or futzing around with his headband (it made a jingling noise because it had a screw loose… _just like its wearer_).

But still, he had to admit, they worked well together as a team. The umbrella could serve as cover until Kankuro could bring out Dokuneko, and then Yasuo could use a few choice techniques. And they were working out more combos.

But Kankuro had told him not to kill any person from Suna. Or anyone who'd ever been from there. But not out of compassion.

He wanted to kill them all himself.

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale._

Occasionally he thought that maybe being tortured and threatened with the clay in his lungs had made him a little… Unstable. But hell, look at some of the others in the Akatsuki; they were fucking _nutjobs_, the lot of them.

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale._

One part of him was still saying that they didn't abandon him.

_How could they have known that they captured me?_

_It doesn't matter; I WAS captured, and no help came. They didn't try hard enough._

_They tried their best._

_No, they didn't. They left me to die._

Eventually he'd squash that puny voice in the back of his head.

_Inhale. Cough. Exhale._

He didn't want to die; they gave him the choice to live. He wanted to be stronger; they gave him more power. He wanted to kill anyone he wanted, just for badmouthing him; they could let him do that. He liked the feeling of being in total control, while at the same time, being completely out of control.

---

The Akatsuki was nothing without a Puppet Master. Two years without Sasori proved that the delicate balance of abilities was offset. So it was decided: the current puppet master of the Sand would be captured and _forced_ to become one of them. Deidara had the most experience with him, so he led the mission. It was successful, and Deidara's threat of blowing him up from the inside out by forcing him to inhale some of the ex-stone shinobi's special explosive clay was implemented.

But one thing they didn't count on was Kankuro being _eager_ to join them. From a certain angle, Deidara failed. Now the Puppet Master was completely useless on stealth and recon missions. However, he was an excellent offensive fighter. And Foshin Yasuo had a nearly impenetrable slew of defensive moves.

So the two new members were put on a team to be used strictly for direct battles, including capturing the remaining Bijuu.

The fact that Kankuro was on friendly terms with the Kyuubi was both a blessing and a curse; it might give him a better chance at capturing him… Or he could have a soft spot for the boy and allow him to escape. They would have to wait and see.

Itachi chuckled. This could prove interesting.


	3. The Team

I like the last part of this one. It make-a me laugh.

* * *

"They aren't _art,_ baka. They're _weapons."_ Kankuro grinned as he said the last word. Of course his puppets were weapons; after all, he could kill with them. Torture with them. Induce pain and agony and suffering with them.

"Oh… yeah…" Deidara said dejectedly. He had hoped that the new puppet guy would argue with him like Sasori had. He missed that.

"What, are you missing your _boyfriend_ Sasori?" That twisted grin sprang up again.

"No," the blonde man said, "and don't make me activate those sculptures inside your lungs… yeah." he smirked. _That _ought to get to him.

Kankuro shuddered and coughed. The mere thought of Deidara blowing him up made him want to hurl. The fact that it gave the freak _leverage _over him was just too much to take. Kankuro hated it when people had power over him.

It made him want to kill them.

---

"How could this have happened?" Temari asked, putting her head in her hands. Gaara placed his hand on her shoulder.

"I think…" He paused, unsure whether or not to say what he really thought. "Kankuro thinks we abandoned him." She looked up.

"…abandoned? But why?"

"It doesn't matter why," He said, steeling himself, "He's now our enemy… And… He's threatening our country. Therefore, we have to…"

"Surely we don't have to_ kill_ him!" She shrieked.

"Nobody's saying that. If he somehow comes back over to our side, or betrays the Akatsuki…" He trailed off. He knew that would never happen. His brother was just too damn stubborn. But Temari was upset, and he didn't want to make it worse unless there was absolutely no chance of all three of them coming out of this alive.

---

"Your team is ready," Tsunade said, pointing to a door. "They're in there."

"Thank you," Anko replied, and then turned for the door. Inside, there were four people assembled. They were chatting casually at first, but the second she walked in, they snapped to attention. All but one. He remained slouched against the wall. "You," Anko barked at him, "What's your name?"

"My name? It's Jiuma Hisoki." He flicked his long, brown bangs out of his face. Anko sighed. He seemed to be just another angsty, emotional, needed-to-be-special pretty boy.

He was wearing a black jacket instead of a standard jonin vest, over a fishnet top that ended just above his stomach, and black pants too tight for effective movement. His forehead protector was worn as a belt, at a slight angle. His sandals were also black.

"And you?" Anko whipped around to face an extremely pale girl with dark blue hair pulled into a low ponytail. The girl's bright green eyes widened and she shrugged mutely.

"She's Sumi," Said the girl next to her. "She can't talk due to a neck injury in her youth. My name is Akuniyama Haya," She added. Anko nodded.

"Sorry, Sumi," She apologized.

Sumi was wearing a jonin vest over a black shirt, dark blue pants, and blue sandals. Nothing special. Her forehead protector was worn, well, on her forehead. Apparently, she didn't care about showing off, unlike Hisoki.

Haya also wore a jonin vest. However, the rest of her outfit was hardly as subtle as Sumi's. Her sandals went almost to the knee, and were bright red. Her shorts were _very_ short, and were the same color as her sandals. Under these she wore black fishnets. Her shirt had one long sleeve and one that only went to her shoulder. Her forehead protector was tied around her left leg. Haya's hair and eyes were the same shade of bright violet.

The remaining person on the team was a short, black-haired man with dark green eyes. He had on a long-sleeved green shirt and loose brown pants. His sandals were blue, and his forehead protector was on his head, in full form. He was grinning. "My name's Zen!"

"Great. So… First impression of you… A showoff…" Hisoki frowned. "A slave to fashion…" Haya looked up in shock. "A spazz…" Zen tilted his head. "And someone who knows at least a little bit of what they're doing." Sumi gave a small smile.

"That isn't fair, Anko-san! You only just met us!" Zen cried.

"Don't like the way I work, _tough._ You'll have to deal with it." Maybe she was being a little hard on them. But, then again, if she expected them to go after a bunch of S-rankers, she had to be absolutely certain they could handle it.

---

"I think we should get to know each other better!" Yasuo exclaimed.

"I think you should shut your fucking trap before I shut it _permanently,_" Kankuro replied.

"And I think someone must have spat in _your_ ramen at some point."

"And I think _you_ fell off of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce."

"I'll try being nicer if you'll try being _smarter._"

"I like you," Yasuo said, laughing.

"Maybe you aren't that bad…" Kankuro said.

"Can I touch the puppet?"

"_No."_


	4. Kyuubi

Yeah, bit of a writer's block here... So don't mind the time gap between chapters... Sorry! -.O

* * *

"We have only one lead on the Akatsuki's whereabouts," Tsunade said, swilling the sake around in the saucer.

"Well? Give it to me." Anko seemed quite eager to find Kankuro. It worried Tsunade. She was almost _too_ eager.

"Here," the Hokage handed Anko a folder. "This has all of the information we have on the Akatsuki and the files of your new team as well."

"Thank you."

"Anko."

"Yeah?"

"Be careful. Remember, as it stands, your mission is recon. _Just_ recon. Your team has been chosen because that's what they do. So only engage in direct battle as a _last resort._"

"_Hai." _Anko saluted and walked out of the room. Tsunade sighed.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea," she muttered, taking a sip of sake.

"All right, maggots!" Once again, three out of four snapped to attention. "We're heading out today! Get your asses in gear!"

"Yes ma'am!" Zen and Haya exclaimed. Sumi nodded.

"Fine," Hisoki said, flipping his hair.

"Are we going to have a problem, Jiuma?"

"No, _ma'am._" He responded sarcastically.

"The… Nine-tailed?" Kankuro said, and for once, uncertainty hung in his voice.

"Is there a problem?" Itachi asked, turning to him.

"No." He said, and then coughed a few times.

"Aw, he's missing his buddy, the Kyuubi," Deidara cooed. The next second, he was being held against the wall by his collar.

"Don't think for a _second_ that my loyalty lies anywhere other than here."

"All… All right, no need to get violent… Yeah. Unless of course you want me to _activate _the-"

"That line, _again?_" Kankuro sneered at the blonde man. He let him drop to the floor.

"Can we _please_ get on with it?" Yasuo said, impatiently.

"Yeah, you guys can get_ intimate_ later." Tobi added, chuckling. Kankuro rounded on him, but was stopped by Kisame's sword.

"Enough with the fighting. You all have your missions, get on them."

"_Hai."_ The four men disappeared in a cloud of smoke, Kankuro glaring at Tobi and Deidara.

"Kisame, we should get on _our_ mission, too," Itachi said.

"True, Itachi. Let's go." They, too, vanished.

"So tell me," Anko said, jumping from branch to branch, "What made the Hokage pick you for this mission?"

"She picked me because of my special summoning jutsu," Hisoki replied.

"She picked me because… Um…" Zen stumbled on a large piece of bark sticking out from a tree.

"Because you have experience with the Akatsuki," Anko finished his sentence.

"I was picked because of my superb intelligence-gathering skills," Haya said, helping Zen up, "And Sumi was picked because she also has experience with the Akatsuki." The blue-haired girl nodded.

"And you?" Hisoki asked Anko. "Why were you chosen to lead this mission?"

"Because… because I was best suited for it," Anko replied.

"You don't know why?" Haya asked.

"Of course I do! No more talking!" She commanded. Hisoki smirked.

"_Naruto," Kankuro said, passing him what was most likely his tenth bowl of ramen, "You know that you're probably the only person who's nice to me?"_

"_Really?" Naruto turned around in his stool, grabbing the bowl._

"_Yeah, besides Gaara, I guess. But he's my brother, so that doesn't really count."_

"_Why is that, 'ttebayo?"_

"_I dunno… Most people seem to think that I'm a jerk."_

"_Well, I remember the first time I met you, I thought you were a huge jerk!"_

"…_I just hate runts is all…"_

"_Whatever, dattebayo. Point is, I'm your only friend?"_

"_If you want to put it that way," he growled._

"_Well, that's just fine with me, 'ttebayo."_

Naruto stared up at the ceiling, remembering the conversation he'd had with Kankuro not long before the Puppet Master had disappeared. He also remembered the day they declared him dead. Naruto remembered himself bitching and yelling at Gaara for not looking long enough, and how the Kazekage had said they had tried their best.

But they hadn't! He knew that Kankuro had to be alive, somewhere. It _had_ been an A-rank mission that he'd gone on, but there weren't any enemies around at the time he'd disappeared. It should have taken him two more days to get to enemy territory. But still, they insisted that he'd died in the line of duty and had a funeral and everything. It just wasn't fair!

Suddenly, he heard rapping on the door. "What?" He called, sounding irritated.

"Uzumaki Naruto," Shizune's voice came from the other side of the door.

"Pig lady? What are you doing here?" Naruto got up and unbolted the door. Shizune and about fifteen ANBU rushed into his room. "What is this, 'ttebayo?!"

"Well, you were right," Shizune said in a strange tone of voice.

"Right about what?"

"Kankuro is alive." A smile spread across the Jinchuriki's face. "And he joined the Akatsuki." Naruto's face fell immediately.

"That… That can't be right, dattebayo…"

"We're putting a guard of ANBU on you at all times," Shizune said. "Hokage's orders," She added.

"But Kankuro wouldn't try to attack me! He wouldn't! I'm his friend!" Naruto pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Naruto… But you're in danger." Shizune walked out, re-bolting the door and leaving Naruto in a room full of ANBU… But feeling very, _very_ alone.

"First Sasuke leaves, and now _this_…"

"Fuck!" Kankuro half-whispered.

"What is it now?" Yasuo said from a short ways behind him.

"Nothing, baka. Just keep your mind on the mission."

"Anything you wanna talk about?" Kankuro gave him a look that said, 'Hey, fag, if I wanted to talk to _you_ about anything, it would probably be how I would kill you.' Yasuo sighed. "Don't let your stupid _emotions_ get in the way."

"I don't have any of those left… Nothing but hate."

"Sure you don't… Just like you never killed anyone and sat at home like a good little boy-Or is that how it went?"

"Fuck you… You don't know shit about me."

"Well then, why don't you tell me?"

"I like to keep my private life and my professional life separate, bak-"

"Is that _so?_" Anko's voice came from a tree to his left. "Well prepare to put them together."


	5. Hot Blooded

A really short chapter due to writer's block. Don't you hate it when authors make up characters just to have someone to kill off? …Oh wait, I just did that. Whoops ;D!

* * *

"Gaara." The Kazekage looked up and saw his sister enter the room.

"Yes?" He asked.

"I've made my decision," she said, a determined look on her face.

"What decision?"

"I'm going to get Kankuro back without killing him."

"Oh really? No matter how many people he kills? You still want to try to get him back here alive? What if he won't come?"

"I'll _make _him." Her eyes glinted with older sister mischievousness.

"Very well. The Leaf already sent a team, so you can join them. They should be in the Furuisatsu forest."

-----

"_Shit,_" Kankuro swore, stopping in his tracks and looking up at the lone female figure in the tree.

"_Shit?_ Is that all you have to say to me? What the _fuck_ do you think you're doing-?" She was cut off by Yasuo, who appeared behind her with a hooked kunai (his usual) to her throat.

"Oh, goody! She's _Leaf!"_ He exclaimed gleefully, "That means I can kill her, eh, partner?"

"Sorry, but no," was Kankuro's growled response, "Anyone but her and the Kyuubi."

"No _fair!_ You said I can kill anyone but Sand Village guys!" Anko slipped out of his grasp.

"You couldn't kill me anyway!" She yelled, jumping to a tree across the road. "As I was saying, Kankuro, get back to your own village before I-"

"Oh, Anko…" Kankuro said, coughing and chuckling slightly. "I don't think you understand. I'm in the motherfucking _Akatsuki_! I'm not going back to those uncaring bastards! And _oh_, I think I'm right," he laughed louder as she shook her head, "Because you just being here proves my point-I gave them every opportunity to try to get me back, and what happens? The goddamn _Leaf_ sends someone after me, while they just sit there at home!"

"Anko-sama!" Zen yelled from a tree a few meters away, "I finally caught up to-"

"And who is _this? _Oh, Anko, they assigned you a _team?_ That's so… unnecessary." Kankuro said from behind him.

"What?" Zen looked from the Kankuro on the ground to the one behind him. "There are two of him!"

"You're a bright one," Kankuro said as he stabbed his stomach. Warm, dark blood ran through his fingers. He grinned, enjoying the sensation. "Not even smart enough to make a clone… You _deserve _to die." He kicked Zen off of the tree onto the ground.

The Kankuro that he landed in front of quickly shed its outer layer to reveal Dokuneko. The cat's tail extended to make a whip-like sword. "Katana Tail attachment number two: Whip state." Kankuro recited, blue Chakra strings coming out of his fingers. He made the whip-sword stab Zen a few times. "Pain… You'll feel my pain. _Then_ you can die." Zen cried out in agony.

Yasuo smirked. "You're a sadistic fuck, aren't you, Kankuro-sama? Well, I suppose I'll get looking for the rest of the team. It couldn't have been just two…" he jumped off.

"Hey, you forgot about me, you blue-haired baka!" Anko yelled, tackling him. Yasuo giggled and took out his umbrella.

"I'm not allowed to play with you. See, _I _don't want to end up like him." He pointed to Zen. "If I do what Kankuro-sama says, I get to do whatever else I want. And his order was not to kill you. So why don't you just enjoy the show?" He opened the umbrella, did a few hand seals, and suddenly flew about a mile into the air. "Now, let's see what I can find… _Harukani Metsuki no Jutsu!_" He closed his eyes, and one appeared in his hand. He threw it over the forest.


	6. Twins

Whoever Hamster & 2Dogs are, I love them.

I FUCKIN UPDATED! -dives from cliff-

YEAH!

-----

_"Mother! Mother! Suki is teasing me again! Mother-"_

_He stopped in his tracks. he smelled something strange, something he'd never smelled before. It smelled metallic, somehow._

_He liked it._

_"Mother...?"_

_He continued, cautiously, into the kitchen._

_"Aaaaaahh!!"_

_----_

"Oh-ho! Sister _dear!_" Yasuo grinned and closed the umbrella. Suki looked up, a shocked expression on her pale face.

"Suki? Suki, who is that?" The girl next to her looked like a Valentine's Day reject. She was staring, no doubt, at his cloak. The cloaks were silly anyway; he had no idea why they were forced to wear them all the time.

"What? She hasn't told you? Oh," he paused, a smile spreading over his face, "That's right. She can't." He landed, gracefully, next to the purple-and-red disaster wearing a ninja headband.

"Well, you're... You're in the Akatsuki, right? In-in that case..." She lifted a kunai knife. Suki did the same, shakily.

"Okay, so I take you two out, and that's it? They sent a four-man team after us, three of them girls? Nice..." He said, crossing the clearing.

"W-wait, what's wrong with your eyes?!" Purple girl cried. He chuckled.

"You finally noticed? It's one of my... special jutsu. My jutsu give the user infinite abilities. For exchange of their body's wellbeing for a short time..." A drop of blood rolled down his face from his left eye. "This version of it... Gives me some of the powers of your village's Hyuuga Clan. Of course, it burns something awful." He started giggling uncontrollably. "Nice panties!"

"Ugh!" She jumped back, covering herself. "Why did you call Suki _sister_?!"

"Because, she _is_!"

----

_"I don't want to believe this could have happened. It's just a child, after all!"_

_"I don't want to either, but what choice do we have? The child is exhibiting signs of Schizophrenia. It could have easily been a black-out; they had no idea what they were doing. No consciousness."_

_"So we must separate them? Twins? Where will we send the girl?"_

_"We did a genetics test. They have an uncle in Konoha- as for the boy, he'll live with his father, here."_

_----_

"So, taking you out should be a piece of cake!" he licked his lips. "Chocolate cake. Perhaps Kankurou will allow me to have some when we get to your village!"

"Kankurou? _Our_ village?! I-I won't let you! Where is he?! We're trying to bring him ho-" He cut her off with the extending knife in his umbrella. She screamed.

"Nobody likes a talkative little bitch who thinks she's pretty." he turned to Suki. "Am I right, sister? Don't you just hate that? Don't you just want to... _Kill _someone like that?" She moved backwards, into a defensive position. "Like I said before, a four-man team isn't good enough to stop-"

"Who said it was a _four_-man team?" A voice from behind him said haughtily. Yasuo whipped around.

_He was in the blind spot. Clever. I'm going to have to work hard on this one? Aww, darn it..._

"So, where is that traitor? Is he back there? Or perhaps you're a distraction, and he's going on ahead?" The brown-haired boy bit his thumb.

"Uh-oh." Yasuo gulped. A summoning jutsu.

"All right, Rutomi! Let's go!" he performed lightning-fast seals, and thrust his hands to the ground. In a cloud of smoke, something horrible rose from the clearing.

Yasuo screamed. Hisoki laughed. Suki ran into the forest.

----

_"It's hard to believe that such a delicate child killed their own mother."_

_"I know. But Yasuo should be safe now. And the Anbu gave their word that Suki wouldn't escape their surveillance."_

_"I just hope her neck heals up... Poor child. She doesn't even know how much of a struggle her mother put up."_

_"Yasuo is still hysterical. I will take him to his father's house."_

_"All right. Hopefully, he'll never have to see her again."_


	7. One Tanuki

TWICE IN ONE DAY?!

OH SHIT, SON!!

"I don't have time for you right now..." Kankurou said, making Dokuneko finally remove its tail from Zen's neck. The black-haired man wasn't dead yet, but there was no way he was getting back up.

"Oh, don't you?" Anko said, fists clenched in rage. "What happened to you, huh? What happened to all those times when I was training you-?"

"Hah," Kankurou breathed, feeling a coughing fit coming on, but holding it in, "You're a bitch, Anko, nothing to it. And to think, when I was younger, I had a _crush _on you..."

"What? Wait, what kind of a situation is _this_ to bring that up?!"

"Remember the poems I wrote? How _sweet_ I must have sounded. How _pathetic_. I suppose you _laughed_ at me then." His eyes narrowed. Her response would determine his next move...

"No, no I didn't! I _didn't_ laugh, you fuck!"

"_Liar_," he seethed. He moved his hand, slightly. Dokuneko's back split open vertically, revealing an eerily coffin-shaped compartment. "I don't take kindly to people who _lie_."

A scream erupted from the forest. "What?!" Anko cried.

"Are you that surprised? Yasuo is probably taking out the rest of your team right now-" A second scream erupted. A male one. "..._Baka_..." He muttered. Suddenly, Anko charged.

"I'll _make_ you go home!" His eyes widened, but not in shock.

"_There!" _He yelled, catching her ankle with a thin chakra string. He tossed her, casually, into the back compartment. It slammed shut. He finally let out the cough, eventually falling to the ground and clutching his stomach. Zen groaned and attempted to move. Kankurou kicked him in the face, and he stopped. "Right, now I need to rescue that blue dumbass..." he stood up and leapt towards the center of the forest.

----

"All right, Rutomi. Let's destroy this guy..." Hisoki said, as the summon emerged from the clearing. It easily cleared twenty feet in height. It rose to its back legs...

"Your summon... is a tanuki...?" Yasuo said, starting to giggle again.

"Oh ho ho ho..." Rutomi said, clicking its head back and forth. "He's a skinny fellow, ain't he? And that cloak. My my. Let me see now. Name, Foshin Yasuo... Blood type O, past affiliation, Team 14, Amagakure; Team Ichiro, Amagakure... Current affiliation... Akatsuki. Interaction with known criminals... Kankurou of the Sand; Uchiha Itachi, formerly of Konoha... Some more guys of that nature... Uchiha Sasuke, formerly of Konoha... hmm, that's odd..."

"What?" Hisoki asked, ears perking up at the mention of Sasuke. Yasuo was standing below them still, looking dumbfounded.

"He's had dealings with pretty much every shady character in the book. Momochi Zabuza... Orochimaru... well, he can't have been more than thirteen when all that happened." The raccoon dog peered down at Yasuo.

"Interesting. Well, we'll need to report all that to Anko. All right, Rutomi... Go for it."

"_Itadakimasu_." The tanuki licked his enormous chops. Yasuo screamed again as Rutomi swooped down on him...

"_Get out of the way, shit-for-brains_!" Kankurou yelled, shoving him out of the way of Rutomi's sharp teeth. They caught his arm. "Augh!" He cried, blood streaming from the wound. Hisoki hesitated.

"If he was back there... Where's Anko... Where's Zen?!" Kankurou chucked and started hacking again.

"If you want to go look for them... I left them back there, at the start of the forest..." he coughed some more, "It's too late for the boy, but..." he chuckled.

"...Rutomi, take care of them!" Hisoki leapt off of the tanuki and charged back into the forest.

"Oh ho ho ho... More for me. I _was_ feeling a little hungry." Rutomi's eyes narrowed.

"Yasuo, put your eyes back in your skull." Yasuo nodded, clasped his hands together, and blinked. His eyes were back, and no longer bleeding.

"Let's check you out before I eat, hmmm...?" Rutomi bent down towards Kankurou. "Name, Kankurou of the Sand... Blood type O, past affiliation, Team Baki, Sunagakure; Numerous special teams of both Sand and Leaf collaborations... Current affiliation, Akatsuki. Interaction with known criminals... Foshin Yasuo; Uchiha Itachi and company; Sakon and Ukon of the Sound... Oh, but you fought them, didn't you?"

"Yeah. I killed them." Kankurou smiled, remembering the look on Inuzuka's face when he saved him. They had talked several times, gone out drinking a few years ago... Was Kiba his friend? He shook his head to clear it. No time to be thinking about that. He needed to focus. How could he beat this... thing? "You're going to eat us, right? That's what you're planning?"

"Right as rain. My my. You _do_ look tasty." He swayed back and forth.

"...Is that your only interest in us?"

"...Hm, I suppose that's true. If I wasn't gonna chow you down, then I wouldn't look atcha twice." He took a swig from the gigantic sake bottle he was carrying.

"Well, it seems I have no choice." Kankurou swung Dokuneko out in front of Yasuo. "No hard feelings, baka." The whip-sword struck Yasuo in the stomach.

"What-how could you, Kankurou-sama?!" He doubled over. Kankurou then gave himself the same treatment.

"This poison is very deadly. In a matter of hours, we'll both be dead. Now, do we look _tasty_?"

"Huh. No, I suppose not. Well, I'll just give Hisoki your information then, and be on my way back..." He lumbered off in the direction his master went.

"Oh, stop blubbering, you moron. I have the antidote right here." He administered it to both of them. "That tanuki had better not come back, that was the last of my antidote..."

Muffled screams came from the puppet's back. Kankurou kicked it and the screams soon fell silent.

"To Konoha, then?" Yasuo said, stepping forward, fully recovered from his fear and the poison.

_"NOT SO FAST!" _They whipped around, but it was too late...


End file.
